- Written by Sy Rosen Sy Rosen
As I’m getting older, I’ve become annoyed by more and more things. And yes, one of the main things annoying me is that I’m getting older.
Anyway, here are a few things that really bother me. Maybe they bother you too. Or maybe you’re a better person than I am and don’t let these small, petty things get to you. If so, that really bothers me.
1. I really hate dressing room mirrors in department stores. Aren’t they supposed to make you look better? Instead, the three-way mirror forces me to simultaneously see my turkey neck (which is growing), my bald spot (which is also growing), and my stomach (which has already grown).
2. It’s really annoying getting telemarketer calls for walk-in bathtubs, hearing aids, and dentures. When they call to sell me a hearing aid, I pretend I can’t hear them. It drives them crazy and gives me great joy.
3. I hate that as I’m getting older, I often repeat myself. I hate that as I’m getting older, I often repeat myself.
4. It’s very frustrating trying to separate coffee filters. It takes me forever. At least I know what to tell people when they ask, “What did you do today?”
5. It’s really annoying that the first two levels of the parking structures for many medical buildings are now reserved for doctors. We’re the ones who are sick, so we should be closer to the entrance, not the doctors. If my doctor is reading this, I want to say that I’m not talking about you, I love you, and please keep saying that I don’t have to go on a diet.
6. The expiration dates on vitamin pill bottles are often so tiny that you can’t see them. This is particularly frustrating when they are vitamins to help bad eyesight.
7. It bothers me when I’m given an unasked-for senior discount. Yes, I know, I’m about 10 years older than what is needed for a senior discount, but it would still be nice to be “carded.”
8. I get annoyed at places that don’t give senior discounts. Yes, I know, this is inconsistent with the above.
9. I hate reading a novel that I really loved and then discovering that it’s a young adult novel. I also hate that this bothers me. After all, emotionally and psychologically, I’m still a young adult. It’s just my body that doesn’t agree with this assessment.
10. I really don’t like it when a waitress calls me “honey” or “hon.” It is condescending. I am not a “hon.” I am a mysterious, hot-blooded, fierce beast who only orders a low-cholesterol, nonfat, low-salt, high-fiber meal because I like it.
11. I hate that my latest hobby is reading the morning obits. It’s morbidly addictive as I look to see who I am doing better than.
12. I hate that I sometimes count the number of people who would come to my funeral (and I pad the number).
13. I’m annoyed by the automatic flush in bathrooms. It’s like they don’t trust us to flush. And sometimes it flushes when we are not ready to flush. I also hate that I am spending this much time talking about bathrooms.
14. Every time my cousin Mort visits, I give him a cup of coffee. Just before I pour, he looks in the cup to makes sure it’s clean. It’s always clean, but he always checks. It bothers me that I notice this. It bothers me more that he does it.
15. When I go on vacation, I keep thinking that the guy next to me got a better deal on the hotel. I know I am being paranoid, but I also know that even paranoids are right sometimes.
Sy Rosen has written for many TV shows, including The Bob Newhart Show, Taxi, M.A.S.H., Maude, The Jeffersons, Rhoda, Frasier, Northern Exposure, and The Wonder Years. He now spends much of his time telling jokes to his grandkids and trying to convince his wife that he’s funny.